Oh Yes now I remember, I was in the middle of life changing (without the 'c' it's hanging, and we don't want to do that, now do we?) actions that would bring me closer to self actualization and life achievements and all that jazz. Wouldn't you know it, life got in the way of my life changing actions and now I am back at square one , scratching my head, wondering what happened. As usual...
In all seriousness, I was trying to change the direction of the train I'm on, but, well I can't exactly remember why I was derailed, oh yes, I remember now. I was decluttering my life and making pretty good headway, but I was completely thrown off by the sad realization that no matter how much I clean and clear out my belongings that there is a whole house full of belongings that I am not responsible for and have no sway over whether they go or stay, and that sobering realization froze me where I was and now the house is unkempt, I am working on what seems to be my seven hundred and fifty-seventh cold since September and I am no closer to self actualization than I ever was.
We took the last trip to Disneyland with our annual passes (a luxury I have thoroughly enjoyed and secretly wish we were renewing, but know we have other priorities) and I had a wonderful time, loved the rides, the beautiful sunny days (even though it did rain a bit). I love the connection I feel to my grandparents and how palpable my historical family is to me when I am there. It's almost a little melancholic but wraps me in belonging and a sense of strength and stability.
As I wander through the park I am always struck by the enormous variety of people that it attracts. Disney seems to touch people from every walk of life, all shapes and sizes, each one feeling connected personally to the characters they have grown up with, the stories that have helped shape their beliefs, hopes and dreams. I always wonder when I am there, what the meaning of it all is. Parents striding purposefully, children firmly in hand, from one line to another, intent to make it there before someone else gets in line before them. It makes me wonder what our purpose is on this planet, in this galaxy, in the universe. Eating corn dogs and Dole pineapple whip, juggling children, purchases and all the sundries brought along to make the day's outing more comfortable. Where does this fit into the scheme of order and progress in the cosmos?
Don't get me wrong, I love it there, the sound of familiar music burbling though the air, all around you, everywhere you go, songs that sing of happiness and contentment, even the shape of the melodies are smooth and soothing as they float from the speakers, bathing you in reassurance that all really IS well with the world. I can feel myself relax when we walk down the main walkway towards the security check, as we get to the point that the music is audible. I love the familiar stories coming to life, Peter Pan, Wind in the Willows and my favorite ride of all the Teacups. Alice's voice calling to everyone to come and join the tea party, the lanterns strung overhead, spinning round and around until you feel that you are lost in the story yourself. But still I can't help but ask myself each time we go, to what end is all this?
This sounds far more morose than it is intended to be, I must change direction!
Primo has been accepted into the Art School, he is such a marvelous young man! I am very relieved and happy, I believe he is too. He fell to the floor with delight when he received his acceptance letter. It is a great relief to my mind and heart that I will be able to entrust his education and well being to an institution that I wholeheartedly believe in. I know that it does't work for everybody, but it really has worked for our family so far with Prima and I look forward to the journey though it with him. Now if we can just finish this year out on a high note, I think Primo will be very pleased with himself.
Prima won an award for her writing, though when she told us about it she dimpled up, blurted it out and then proceeded to deconstruct the success. Claiming that it wasn't a very big deal because it was third prize and not first. I am continually amazed by her, she is always so hidden and modest about her talents. Funny girl! It is a big deal, it was a Scholastic Writing and Composition contest for the entire West Coast! And she won!
As for me, I still want all the things I always do, order, focus, success and I am still as distracted and scattered as ever, but I do have a few thing to add to my list of completed tasks:
- I promised teddy bears to two girls from former work last year and I FINALLY completed and delivered them. In the process I came up with a packaging idea for the bears.
- I finished the bear for CD I promised over two years ago (though I still have to deliver it to him)
- I went in for a "meeting" with Ex-Boss and discovered that indeed he is my Ex-Boss and there seems to be no pending return to struggle with, which was a relief to put to rest.
- I have been working in the studio more than ever and even whipped up a new lunch bag for Prima one day after discovering that the previous ones I made have gone missing.
- I have been walking regularly with CW and helping out with the launch of her new business.
- I felted and processed all the gazillion sweaters I culled out of my collection, I have lots of material for blankets.
There may be more that I amn't (yes, I used that word on purpose, a nod to one of my pre-school students!) thinking of at the moment, but it seems like quite enough to list for now. Any more and I will just seem to be building myself up falsely!
Life is good (to borrow an over used, over marketed phrase) and time is continuing to rush by me no matter what I do so I resolve to hang on tight and enjoy as much as I can.
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| DeYoung Museum |
