An interesting day all around. Last night I was stricken with an intensely painful headache, rather suddenly. It was still present this morning and lasted most of the day, despite my taking medicine to relieve the pain, as well as decongestants, because it was definitely in and around my sinus. The right side. Regardless, I was feeling really poorly, headache, nausea, rapid pulse, it was horrible. TR was very productive, he has the maple backsplash for the maple counter all but done. I weeded a bit in the front yard while he was cutting out the backsplash. It felt good to be in the fresh air and sunshine. I think that sometimes the heater gets to me in the winter. I did the putter-y things that one does during the day, folded and put away laundry, made coffee, (TR made the breakfast) made lunch, did dishes, but beyond that and the weeding, I mostly sat very still hoping my headache would quiet down.
I find myself faced with a conundrum in parenting. I remember so clearly what it felt like to be a teen-ager, I understand my children and what they are struggling through. At the same time I can see the parenting I had at that age, what worked and what didn't work for me. Now I am navigating those waters, hoping to avoid the rocks that seemed so perilous to me and bring my children through without stranding them on those rocks. I know there is no easy answer, it is all temperament, compatibility, beliefs and objectives, so everyone's experience will be different and what works for one family might be a catastrophe for another family. I just hope beyond hope that by following my heart I am not abandoning my children and taking the easy way out. I hope beyond hope that I am providing the framework and support that will allow them to blossom to their full potential, whatever that may be.
So far I think (I must acknowledge that all parents I have come across so far, also think) that my children are exceptionally wonderful. I have come to realize that all parents want their children to be dazzling, and I am no exception, I only hope that I have sense enough to be dazzled by them for who they truly are, not who I would like to parade around in front of other people.
Which brings me back to the topic of two days ago, regarding the mystery of life and it's meaning. I have been pondering more on the subject, and I wonder, is it more important to play the game by the arbitrary rules that the majority follow? Or is it better to follow these rules as they carry one to their dreams and goals, but stray from that path if another direction takes one closer to joy and fulfillment? And how does one define that, by societal norms? If that is so, we would never have philosophy, thought up by those who looked at the world though slightly different filters and came up with something new. I am torn because I come from a family of dreamers and non-followers, but many of these family members have had a struggle of it, and I have come to appreciate that one must at least be able to relate to others on a common level and if one always believes oneself superior and holds oneself aloof, then it makes connecting with peers rather challenging. I want my children to be able to relate to peers with ease, while not losing sight of who they are. One of my favorite ECE teachers once said that the hardest job as a teacher and parent of young children is to teach them to live within society, while leaving their spirits intact.
Oh my goodness, my battery is about to give up, and I'm on a roll. Guess I'll have to roll on over and go to sleep and hope I can pick this up tomorrow. Goodnight!
Sunset from the hill above our house, taken by Primo on one of his walkabouts with RS and SP.
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