Day Sixty-Two, A Sunny Saturday Afternoon

I seem to passing through the blues, and traveling merrily down the road of my life. We took Prima and FM to the airport at the crack of dawn this morning, they looked so happy and grown up, we held back and let them check in by themselves, they walked confidently to the ticket counter and then were directed back to the self serve check in, where they giggled over the monitor and got themselves all checked in. We waited until they were through security and headed out. They made it to their destination and Prima sent photo of the hotel they are staying in, I guess they got all checked into the hotel without a hitch and everything is going as planned. I haven't heard form her for some time now.

As far as other things I have gotten done today, let's see... I dropped off a donation of four handmade (by me) pairs of pearl and gemstone earrings to a fundraiser to raise funds to provide resources for disadvantaged children to play soccer. TR and I had a discussion with Primo about high school, what he hoped for, how we could support him and how we would begin. It started out pretty rocky, but we were able to work thorough the tough parts and get to the heart of the discussion and agree on some steps to take. It was a success in that we set up the calendar, got supplies together and started on brainstorming a 'resumé' for Primo's audition. It looks pretty good so far. I spent hours with Primo sorting legos into 1 gallon bags to sell on cragislist. It was fun, we sang along to our favorite songs and told funny stories and teased each other about silly things. At the end of it he said to me that he didn't want to sell the legos, he wanted to build something. So he did. I helped him with a sword making project which was fun though he got really frustrated when it wasn't coming out perfectly, I gave most of my help in the form of soothing him and trying to guide whim into overcoming his frustration and pressing forward with his project.

I realized while watching him feel so defeated by the imperfections, that I also hold back on everything I do because I want it to be perfect the first time around. I could hear myself telling him to keep working on the project because things were fixable after assembly and that there were enough supplies to re-make parts of ti if they didn't turn out the first time. But that is exactly what immobilizes me, I am so afraid that I will ruin my supplies and then I won't have anything beautiful to show for my efforts. As I tell him that anything he makes is worth the effort he put in, my mind takes inventory of all the unfinished projects I have tucked away. I know that when I take those projects out and look at them they will be halted at the point when I started telling myself that I was failing. Boy, I sure have taught my children thoroughly, even though it was the exact opposite of my intention!

Fast forward to Sleepy Saturday Night. TR and I had dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, and then went to a fancy liquor store, that looked like an Old Timey general store. It was neat but the clerk was a bit socially awkward which is unfortunate when one is a clerk in a store. We went home and watched about 45 episodes of the new show we are watching with Primo (just kidding, we watched 3, but it felt like more!) and then TR and I watched a documentary about the '89 earthquake, which made me cry, a lot. I had forgotten how intense that time was and the images of the catastrophes dredged all that disbelief and panic up from the depths of my heart and soul. I still remember how nervous I was about another earthquake happening, I was so conscious of where I stopped while driving, in relation to things that might fall and crush me in my car. I read a story, back then, about a woman that had her husband build her a specially reinforced, four poster bed out of steel (or some kind of metal, maybe it was adamantium!) to protect her if an earthquake happened while she was sleeping. I was nervous for years that I would be crushed in my sleep because I didn't have a bed like that when the next one struck.

Thanks to the espresso I had after dinner, I have been able to stay up this late (11:46pm) and still think coherently (at least I think I am), but I have spent so much time going back to fix bizarro, wonky typing,  (and I seem to have forgotten how to spell) that I am going to bed. Goodnight Gracie!

Marshmology, Alaskan style