Day Seventy-Three, Wednesday Night Masquerading as Saturday

First down to business, the list (yes, I made a list again today!):

• 2:30 Dr. W (my hip/back has been hurting for nigh on a week now, time for professional help)
• 4:30 Hair Salon
• pay bills
• return/exchange TR's birthday pants
• bank business
• ebay photos/list

I did almost everything on the list, went to my appointments with the delightful and most appreciated company of TR, paid the bills, exchanged the pants, went to the bank and mailed off the necessary bank forms. I took photos of about half of the items I plan on listing on eBay and tomorrow, no, no, Friday I will list them. Or at least I plan on listing them. I also dusted our bedroom and started to order new registers for the heater vents, but I was sidetracked on that one and didn't finish it.

Besides all the task-y stuff I attempted today, it was a day of contemplation and discussion. I find myself more and more pondering the meaning of life and I don't mean in the trite, over philosophized way, wondering What is the Meaning of Life the Universe and Everything. Growing older brings me to a phase of life when I am experiencing the loss of loved ones due to old age, and occasionally illness. It really struck me when we were cleaning out G'ma and G'mpa's house that these people who had lived full, wonderful lives were reduced to the memories of those they left behind and all the stuff that remained in the house after they were gone. Now that stuff has been divided up and passed on to family members, further scattering the grandparents that once were living breathing people on this planet. And so I wonder what is the purpose, the memories we leave behind, the lives we connect to and impact? Our time here is so short and the footprints we leave behind fade as if washed off the shore by a wave, the first wave blurs us a bit but by the time the third or fourth wave laps against the sand we are erased and there is no trace left behind. The memories and stories of us fade away with the passing of each person that knew is until we are shadows behind the stars silently watching the planet that continues to grow and evolve without us.

Details about the lives of my relatives that have passed away will be forgotten in a few generations, photographs will remain of faces that no one remembers the names of. Even now as I look through old family photographs, I can name only a few from my grandparent's generation. My ponderance (my own word specially created for this occasion) is this: All the weight and importance we give to things, events, actions, accomplishments, what do they REALLY mean in the end? Is it more important to leave such a big legacy behind that one will be remembered, even if it is inaccurate, for many generations? Or should our energies be focused on living lives that satisfy us, no matter how small a footprint that leaves? All the wealth or possessions we amass during a lifetime, what does that really say about us, and does it even matter that it said anything about us at all? I think I need a little more time to formulate this question, because it makes sense in my head, but when I try to write it down, it falls apart like dropping a hand full of pebbles on a hard floor, skittering away and becoming nebulous.

It has happened again, I have taken benedryl for my awful allergies and I am falling asleep. TR said the nicest things to me about this blog today when I shared my dismay that these entries seem to have become rather short and automatic, so I shall take heart in his words of comfort and allow this to be what it is and say goodnight, goodnight!

A photo of an oak tree at Nottingham Castle, taken for Primo, who loves oak trees.