Day Thirteen, Saturday Night

I haven’t made a list at all today, instead I was up and at ‘em early-ish and making breakfast for the family before I ran off to C’s for a horse meeting. I didn’t bring Prima and when I got there, C said “Oh no, she NEEDS to be here too.” She rang Prima up and told her to come on over. That child walked over immediately. Clearly I just need other adults to tell my children what to do!

The meeting was great. S is pleased to have us all taking over the horse, everything will stay the same for him, so she knows all his needs will be taken care of. We have the transitional ease of an owner that has already researched a vet and a farrier and all those necessary things so we don’t have to go through all that trial and error. It will cost half of what I thought, which is a HUGE load off my mind and it creates a safe environment for Prima to learn about horses. Guided by two women who like her, and are willing to spend the time helping her forge her horsemanship. So that all seems to be going well, neat and tidy and needing very little rearranging from me.

I am absolutely stuck with the sideboard. I walked downstairs this morning and groaned (internally of course). I can feel myself getting more and more short tempered and irritable the longer it sits there. Thinking about it, I would guess that it’s because I want so much for it to be different and it’s not happening fast enough. And now I can’t see the end of the project anymore so I am seeing ALL the places in the house that are disappointing me. The living room is dusty and needs to be vacuumed. My bedroom looks like a 17 year old lives in it (I do so wish I could get ALL of the home office type stuff OUT!), junk lying everywhere on top of everything. The kids’ rooms are messy, the basement has a big empty space but every other corner is CRAMMED with stuff.

Sometimes I wish that I could close my eyes and when I opened them all the stuff would be gone. I mean all of it. I wouldn’t even notice it missing if I didn’t have to look at while I was getting rid of it. It’s that moment in between deciding to get rid of something and it resting in my hand when I find I can’t let it go after all. But if the house were suddenly empty, would I remember all of the things that had been in it before? Would I really miss every sheet of stickers or every book or all the craft supplies that I buy but am feel I am too poor of an artist to use? With each bit of open space I feel a little more sanity creep into my mind. I have just a teeny bit more room in my psyche for neat ideas with the removal of every piece of clutter. Maybe the lethargy is brought on by the chaos of that clutter. Maybe it affects my children too. Maybe it’s time for radical change. Maybe I should put all the absolutely irreplaceable things away and invite all my friends over to take one thing away, one thing to make them think of me and me think of them. Maybe that would satisfy my emotional need enough to stop clutching stuff to my bosom.

In reading back through this blog, I noticed that when I came up against an obstacle with the OBC, I stalled out. I felt so unsure and deflated. It affected my mood on many levels, including my coping skills with my relationships and ability to push through my projects. The day I got that call, I had actually started clearing out the sideboard and after the call, put everything back as it had been because I felt so deflated. Now, I am facing the obstacle of a large piece of furniture that is too heavy for me to move and I don't know how I am going to get it out of my house. I haven't done anything significant with that project since I came up against that problem. Not to say I have ignored it completely (it is in the MIDDLE of my house) and I did manage to sort through the artwork that I have been ignoring for years, but it IS still in the middle of the house, and I had planned on it being gone by now.

After the barn we came home and had a wonderful visit with D & S. We sat and visited at the house for a while and then went to yummy Korean dinner and stopped for ice cream bars on the way home and then home to watch "Say Anything". It was lovely, I was so glad to see them again. It's funny to spend almost three consecutive weeks together and then not see them for months. Hopefully it won't be so long until next time. 

I also had a magical parenting moment today, though the proof will be in the pudding , as they say, I will have to wait to see if it had any real effect. Here's what happened:

When I arrived home from the barn, TR told me that he found the boys sneaking into the basement, taking sodas and climbing into Primo's window with them, and he didn't know what to do. My first instinct was to wait until R went home and scold Primo about it. But instead I called both boys to the table and told them that I knew what they did, asked them for their thoughts on it and asked them to work on a solution we could all live with. I mentioned that I didn't want to have to limit the time they hung out together and unless they trusted me, and behaved in a trustworthy way I couldn't keep them safe. They came up with a solution and everything seemed to work out fine. I hope that they really heard what I was saying, and will change their behavior so that they can continue to have sleepovers and hangouts. The oddest part of it is that if they had asked TR for the drinks, he would have said yes. I don't know why they got all stealthy and sneaky.

I think I am off to bed, no, I know I am off to bed. Nighty Night!

Crab shells, beach near Ard Mhuiris, Inis Mor