Day Seventy-Seven, Sleepy Sunday Night

Another wet and soggy day, rain pouring down, it makes me so melancholy and blue, all I want to do is sit and sit and sit. Today all I did was drive the children places. I delivered Primo and RP to the movies, I delivered Prima to PMM's house for a hangout day and then headed back home. I made lunch and watched Donald Glover's "Wierdo" and then a documentary about Burt's Bees. A do nothing day all around.

I have noticed that the less I do, the less I want to do. The last few days have been very slow and I have been very sedentary, as each day passes I hope that the next day will bring more energy and movement. Then it comes and goes and I feel as still and motionless as the day before. If I sit and examine this, this is what I see: first it has been Thanksgiving break and everyone has been home, the house is full of people, the company I so desire when I am faced with daily housework and instead of driving me on to accomplish greater things, I sit and 'hang out', playing a video game, watching a useless television show, just watching what everyone else in the room is doing. But all in all not really doing anything of my own. I have a studio full to bursting with art supplies, jewelry making supplies, TWO sewing machines, more felted cashmere and wool than you can shake a stick at (what does that mean anyway?!?) I feel like my life is an atom with unknown potential to be unleashed when it is split open. So number one thing noticed, the more people present, the less I get done. Second is that I get stuck in a cycle of inactivity very easily. It seems that as soon as I give myself permission to sit and be still, I find an excuse to keep being still, telling myself, just like Toad in the Arnold Lobel books, tomorrow, tomorrow I will take care of that tomorrow  (is it telling I identify more with Toad, than Scarlett O'Hara?). The problem is that tomorrow comes and I am overwhelmed by the sheer volume of what I have to deal with now.

Okay, I am off, and since this is the FIRST entry I have missed since I started (I fell asleep last night before writing), I will say good day!

Mama's angel