Day Thirty-Four, Plain Jane Saturday Night

Opening remark, I have always wished my name was Jane, and once my, mostly absent, father told me that was what he wanted to call me (which pleased me immensely). I used to use it as a pseudonym when I was teaching, I would tease the kids that I had changed my name and they should call me Miss Jane from then forward. I held onto that for so long and then, when Prima and Primo were old enough to carry on grown-uppish conversations with me, I told them of my not-so-secret desire, and Prima responded with, "Jane (my married name)? That would be an unfortunate name." She is absolutely right, it is a lucky thing that my mother went with her father-in-law's choice.

Today was a whopper. I started in the basement, trying to make some sense and order of all the possessions we have kept safely down there. I lasted about a half an hour. I moved some shelves from one side of the big room to the blank space the piano left, I put some towels on one shelf, surveyed the chaos and scuttled out of there. I then decided that I would try up in the cottage. I trekked up, I hired Primo to carry up boxes I didn't want to deal with, I took a deep breath and dove in. I worked for several hours, sorting what to keep, what to put in a yard sale, and what to donate. I was really trekking through it and I broke for lunch. After eating a smorgasbord lunch of leftovers (which Is a good thing on many levels of responsibility AND tastiness) I made myself head back up to carry on. After a while I wanted to rip my eyes out. I cannot believe how much STUFF we have up there, Packed away in boxes, bags and bins, stacked up, piled up tucked away to be used later. I felt that I would be buried in an avalanche of possessions. As I sorted through things trying to decide what deserved to be saved and what should  be moved on, all I could think of was that the more stuff we pile up in our (very little) house, the less room there is for us to live.

And so I find myself back in the same rut I always find myself in. Bound to my belongings and simultaneously repelled by them, I cannot seem to find the balance between possessions, self control and space. I am constantly trying to pare down and yet every purchase I make is completely justified. I find myself yearning for a bigger house, a space that has a place for everything. A gathering place, a work place a craft place, a relaxing place, and storage for everything to be put neatly away so it can be found whenever it is needed. I have been longing for this for so long, and with every year that we don't find that place, I fear that it will never happen. I am resigned to living in a space that does not accommodate the things I so wish for.

What did occur to me while I was cleaning out upstairs, was that even though I can't make it to The Badger's Den (named for all the badgers we've never seen nearby) to fix it up, I can blog fixing up the cottage in my back yard. So today is the start (10/18/2014) and I did take pictures, though I left the camera upstairs and haven't uploaded the pictures today (that will be my blog accountability for tomorrow). I will keep working on the project until I have some noticeable difference. Hopefully it will make it cozy and nice up there and it will turn into a space that we use for living in, rather than just storing stuff we don't even remember we have. Also Mama is coming tomorrow to help me paint the kitchen wall. That will be a great thing!

At this point, I kind of wish I had tons of loyal, interested readers because I would love to have input and advice (though I may not follow it, it's nice to have that dialog going on during a project) about this endeavor. And with that mention, I have exceeded 300 page views as of today! I do wonder, who's looking?

So goodnight, that's all there is tonight!

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